I have the privilege of training leaders world-wide and no matter where I go, there is one constant every leader faces on every continent: conflict!
The following are five ways leaders can deal with conflict. I teach these as part of my role as an Associate Trainer with Equip, an Atlanta-based, international leadership organization.
These principles aid us in seeing how we choose to deal with conflict. Jesus was speaking about conflict when He said, “You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I say unto you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you in order that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven… For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brothers only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? Therefore, you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” (Matthew 5:43-48)
Here are five options we can choose from when we are faced with conflict:
1. I'll get them! (Retaliation)
I will strike back. This is often our default setting; our first feeling. Shoot first, ask questions later.
2. I'll get out! (Escape and avoidance)
This is perhaps the most socially acceptable option, especially in the church. I’ll go to the first worship service, they can go to the third worship service. I won't have to see her; she won't see me. We don’t and won't hit the issue that's bugging us head-on, we'll avoid it.
3. I'll give in! (Surrender)
At this option, I basically throw in the towel. I give up because I want so much to avoid dealing with the conflict. "Let him win, then. I don't care." It's avoidance to the extreme. And nothing is ever resolved.
4. I'll go half! (Compromise)
This, at least, is movement in a positive direction. It's a little bit better than our previous options. We'll meet halfway. But are we really happy now? No. There is still a sense of unsettledness. Why? Because nothing has really been settled.
5. I'll DEAL with it! (Address the issue)
This is the best of the five options. I will address the issue with courage and forthrightness. CHOOSE THIS OPTION!!! Learn the art of healthy confrontation. Don’t run and hide.
